“What am I going to do” and “I don’t know how to do this” had become two of my go to phrases for the first 8 or so months after losing my husband. I didn’t think I would get through the emotional heap I was facing everyday. It was so heavy a burden and I was tired of carrying it.
I faced the one year anniversary with trepidation, unsure of what to expect of myself. Everyone said the first year is the hardest. Maybe. There are still a lot of days when I feel inadequate and ill equipped to manage everything. There are still days when I don’t get dressed and sleep more than I should. I still cry on a whim sometimes.
My list of things I need to do sits on my kitchen table the items waiting to be crossed off. The priorities have changed. Some things are done and some have made it to the next list. I’ve learned that being happy with the things I have accomplished doesn’t lessen my grief or make me inconsiderate to the memory of my husband. It just means that I am learning to move forward. It’s not easy.
I still have mountains to climb. More to accomplish. One day at a time might be a cliche, but right now it is undeniably my mantra.
“But they that wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31
Heart Strings 