Once you have the ocean in your soul it never leaves. It calls you back time after time. As I dipped my toes in today, I felt that longing again. I watched as the waves rolled in and then returned. Knowing full well the power they possess I ventured a little further but only to my knees.
You see I was afraid of falling down because the hands that used to help hold me up were not there today. Those used to be Kens’ hands. We loved going to the ocean and he was only an arms length away if I started to fall. Sometimes he would end up falling too but we always managed to help each other up again.
I missed him today as I walked the boardwalk at Hampton Beach and when I looked at one chair sitting alone in the sand. I miss him everyday. I’m trying to learn to walk without him by my side but it’s difficult. Some days I feel like I barely crawl. I may look strong on the outside but inside I struggle most days.
Grief takes you to places you don’t want to go. It robs you emotionally and you never quite know what will set it off. It can be the tiniest thing. Moving forward I am learning that there is no easy way. I just have to allow myself to take one day at a time. It’s the best I can do.
This is what the Lord says, He who appoints the sun to shine by day, who decrees the moon and stars shine by night, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar – the Lord Almighty is His name, Jeremiah 31: 35
Heart Strings 